So I've been ill for several months now and no closer to a diagnosis. I've started eating gluten free and avoiding dairy as much as possible just because I thought I had adrenal failure and it was a suggested part of the diet. Ironically it gave me back some energy but it has not solved the problem.
Between that and being shifted out of my own position -- I worked as an interim supervisor due to a hiring freeze for 1 1/2 years -- by having someone new hired for the permanent position over me I've found myself at a great loss of confidence and today I started training the new person while not having time to do my own new job.
And despite my energy I'm still losing weight. I'm a 102 lb. 28 year old female who used to be 106 and I don't have an eating disorder. In fact I find myself either nauseated or always hungry and forcing food down throughout the day either way. Yet I've started to be able to see my veins prominently through my modest tan and find my skin hanging loose on my body and I just want to cry.
Ironically though I've been very blessed. My sister came at a time when I needed her most several weeks ago and she will be coming up to room with me permanently in several more weeks. Persons who were longstanding acquaintances have become good friends and haven't run screaming as have weaker people in the past but instead give strength and silent support while helping me to laugh at the joyful things in life.
Last week I took up drawing in sidewalk chalk. I'd had a small florescent pack for many years and never used it thinking that I should save it for some reason and I thought "what is the use of having something if you don't use it when it is needed?" So I started to draw. It appeals to me because it is bright and messy -- because you have to smear the color in the the pavement -- and since it will be washed away later I don't have to be embarrassed with my scribbles. I started to run out so I went to the store and bought some more -- its a rather inexpensive hobby and I would suggest it to anyone who wants to create without making a big investment. The one above was from day one, I especially like the hermit crab in the bottom left and I should have taken a closer picture of it.
So some days, like last Saturday when I did a short hike with a group of friends are diamonds and today where I trained my replacement (who has to learn from scratch) and also had to sit in on my current boss's presentation interview (for the position above him and ask questions when I was having an anxiety attack the whole hour and didn't get enough to eat because I wasn't snacking since I was training) are coal. Which means since I've done a bit of homework for my master's classes and its late enough in the day it's time to go draw again.
That or play the ukulele. Time to make the day a bit more of a gem.
